It's not about Christmas. It's not about being alone either.
I ran out of coffee (which I always do) and decided to give myself a little treat while out buying some beans. On the grocery, I searched for cookies but all they have are the ones packed with all the varieties. I don't like most of them. I liked it when they're all displayed on a tray and I get to choose which flavor I want. Not some yucky stuff forced on my mouth. So forget about the coffee.
Roaming around looking for food, I found myself staring at some dried pasta section. In about 2 minutes of standing there, staring at them, I realized I feel sorry for myself. It's been years since I've tasted spaghetti. My own cooking. You see, when the company I worked for relocated, most of my basic needs were neglected. I do understand 'cause there are a lot more important things my boss has in mind. But it's been almost a year now. For the earlier months, having no bathroom didn't bother me much. I could easily go to a sauna and do my baths there. It's costs $10 for the night ( we don't just pay for the baths but for the public sleeping room as well). I don't think I should blame my highest boss though. These matters are supposed to be handled by the lower superiors. Alas, I mostly have to complain straight to the boss before anything could happen. Fortunately, we needed another worker. So they have the bathroom fixed... none of it look remotely close to what they've been telling me before. Week after week, I asked about the bathroom. My superiors keep telling me to wait until the ground is settled 'cause they intend to place some tiles on the flooring for the bathroom and the kitchen. They even described how it will look like and to me, it's a big improvement to the last one we had, from the place we left. Now we have an ugly bathroom with no tiled floors. It's still a bathroom.
So what does this have to do with spaghetti? Well, the intended kitchen is next door to the bathroom/toilet/laundry room. And it's completely and utterly unfacilitated. Nope. No sink, no tiles, no exhaust fan, no cabinets, no nothing. All it has is a tiny 2x1ft window and a hole in the middle of the floor. I think it's forgotten and none of my superiors intend to furnish it. I think it takes another complaining just to get what I need for this. But I'm getting tired of the process. Right now I'm just saving my complaint "pass" for when I absolutely need it.
... again, what does this have to do with spaghetti?
As I stare tonight at those pasta, I thought if I "can" actually cook some. All I have is a tiny hotplate. I thought of many ways to be able to cook just this once. But after 2 minutes, I gave up. And I feel sorry for myself. It's my favorite dish and I'm damn good at cooking it. And it breaks my heart that I can't cook just from the lack of my superiors's consideration.
So it's not about Christmas for sure. I absolutely hate Christmas and my birthday. But for about 5 years now that I haven't had spaghetti on Christmas, New Year, Birthday, or any of these so-called special days, the more I get to hate them.